Splice (2009, Canada/France/USA)

Worst. Scientists. Ever. I quite like Sarah Polley, and I will admit to once having had a soft spot for Adrien Brody, but neither is remotely actor enough to make their thoroughly unlikeable characters the least bit redeeming. A couple of biochemists who are also a couple (though their relationship and attraction to one another remain as much of a mystery as their scientific/medical code of ethics), Polley and Brody “parent” a genetically engineered creature who may have a little bit too much human DNA for anyone’s liking. And it’s pretty much all downhill from there.

From “Dren’s” inception (“Nerd” backwards! Isn’t that cute!), the movie squanders any and all potential as it attempts to explore various subjects, none of them successfully. Is this a movie about scientific ethics? Sort of, though it’s never able to make a clear statement on what it actually thinks about scientific ethics, other than that perhaps its central characters should consider getting some better ones. Is it about the difficulties of being a good parent? Unfortunately, yes – aided not a bit with murky and useless clues about Polley’s unfortunate upbringing. (Someone on the writing team most certainly has mommy issues. And I’ve got a whole other post about the heinous sexual politics of this movie.) Is it a horror movie? Not in the slightest, though it’s billed as one. A black comedy? Occasionally, but most of the laughs are definitely unintentional. More than anything else, Splice most resembles Dren, a mishmash of unfortunate ingredients that never really cohere, even after turning really nasty on you in the end.