Immediate Impressions on the 80th Academy Awards

Amy Ryan, Heidi Klum, Kelly Preston, Marion Cotillard, Cate Blanchett and Katherine Heigl had the best dresses, though Heigl was wearing way too much bronzer.

Daniel Day-Lewis didn't look like a wino! Neither did Johnny Depp! Hooray! However, Gray Busey was sooooo drunk. Damn. I wonder if they let him inside?

As usual, Renee Zellweger just seemed so unhappy. I love short haircuts, but hers is awful. And what was up with Javier Bardem rockin' the Mel Gibson hair?

Why the FUCK was Miley Cyrus at the FUCKING Oscars? I know they're trying to skew younger, but that's just stupid.

I kind of can't believe that this was Tilda Swinton's first Oscar nomination. She absolutely deserved recognition for Orlando, but I guess the majority of her work is too weird for much mainstream award-giving. Also, she should have played Elizabeth I. I love Cate Blanchett, but Tilda would have really kicked some major ass in that role. My feeling is that her win was something like an overlook "oops," kind of like when Julie Andrews won for Mary Poppins. She should have won for a lot of prior work, but they're just getting around to it now.

Really? A piece on how the voting process works? That was dumb. Just move the show along, people. It could be at least a half hour shorter if they hadn't felt the need to throw in all of the montages that were put together in case the WGA strike hadn't ended.

I think it's kind of awesome that 3 of the 5 nominees for Best Original Screenplay were women. It's also kind of rad that a woman won it, though I'm still not entirely convinced that Diablo Cody was really the right choice. Consolation prize - I don't think it ever had a chance at Best Picture.

Yay, Daniel Day-Lewis. Not really a lot of doubt there, but it was still great to see him win. Not so sure about the double pirate earrings, though.

It was a Coen year. Normally, that would make me really happy, because they've been two of my favorite filmmakers for at least 10 years (also - "Henry Kissenger, Man on the Go"? That's awesome.), but I just felt stronger about Blood. But Cormac McCarthy looked so happy! How can I argue with that?

How to play the Oscar drinking game? One drink for every montage. One for every time they cut someone's speech off. And one for every time they show Nicholson in those stupid sunglasses. For the record, I'm wasted. (Not really. I stopped somewhere in the second hour.)

That was an incredibly boring show.